I remember the mistakes I've made usually came in this equation:
Pleasure Before the Pain
However, when God speaks and I listen, the equation seems to be:
Pain Before the Pleasure
Why would we wait until the day of our wedding to even kiss!!??
I remember one rainy day outside on the porch as we looked out over the Lake. It was warm and breezy and Oh-such-a-first-kiss kinda moment!
I remember standing on the roof of Tibbitt's auditorium during a rumbling storm ~ as we crouched under the eve together to stay dry. Another great kiss-me-now kinda moment.
I remember how we would hold hands and how you would look at me with the most amazing gaze of admiration. Bring it home baby! Plant one right on me!
I remember the way you would hold me, right under the arms. It felt so secure.
I remember the evening you proposed (my 25th birthday). The icy driveway of our host's house we almost didn't conquer. The different courses of the meal you had prepared by various friends (all in on the surprise!). The music. The 3 roses I still have in our bedroom. The woodstove fire. Yes! I will marry you! And..........*smoooooooooch* But, no...... we didn't. We snuggled by the fire. You explained why you chose the ring you did. The ice storm raging outside begged us to get down the steep driveway of our host's house. We left the fire and moment right there. I said, "Yes," to being a Mrs.
~~~~~~~
Cam had led every step of our engagement. I felt so honored, adored, loved, respected by him. He led me into the room with his hand on my back. He pulled out my chair, opened doors, saved me from a bear (great-long story to be told later!), etc..... : )
What was the Pain before the Pleasure? Really. I knew the pleasure of a kiss and more. I felt eager and excited to be married every day. To see the day we would kiss. I remember the what ifs, "what if something happens before we get married? What if we never will be together? Why wait if I love him?"
Song of Solomon writes of the love of a woman being like a garden. It's cultivated over time. It's made beautiful. It's fruits become ripe. But, the poem warns of not awakening or stirring up love until it pleases.
How vague a concept is that. Yet, I do know when that love was awakened too early!! After the pleasure of being in love ~~ there was pain. Hurt. Broken trust.
Or, the waiting just becomes a rule. It weighs over you like some sort of legalism. You don't understand yet why it is that you should wait.
And, what are you waiting to do? Waiting until your wedding day to even KISS the person you'll be living with for the rest of your life? Crazy? And, it seemed like it would be quite a squashing of my personal expression of my affection for someone special! There is only so many ways you can hold hands, hug, high five.
But, that last sentence is a lie really. I don't think we ever exhausted the list of ways to hold hands/arms during the nine months we were engaged. Every time we even touched the tips of our fingers, there was a crazy amount of soul bonding going on. I almost had to hold my breath and look over my shoulder, as if we were doing something along the lines of indecent exposure!
The wedding day itself and the following days and years have been the model of: pain before the pleasure. The pain of waiting (which as you can detect from this post) really wasn't painful at all! The simple kiss in front of all our family/friends (and God!) was amazing. The way he scooped me up off the beach during our reception and swept me away from the party on a candlelit boat to a secret location. *swoon!!* The honeymoon and the 4 1/2 years since? Well.... our 85-year-old friends the Carter's always say, "The honeymoon never has to end!"
The pain before pleasure during our married years has been that of sacrifice. When work runs us ragged. The first crazy sleepless months after a new baby has come. When there are misunderstandings, miscommunications, embarrassments, bad moods, things being taken for granted. The sacrifice to keep on loving this person ~ to see them grow. Actually, to grow myself and see how this man is helping me grow. That hurts sometimes. When I'm wrong and it's pointed out!
How amazing is that. So...... this post is titled "getting closer" b/c the cliched holiday of Valentine's day is coming up. But, I know we all have experienced love in a way that chocolate, teddy bears and roses certainly pale in comparison to. I wonder how you may celebrate LOVE this year?? Not that a teddy bear, flowers or balloons is ever a bad gift to give. Chocolate especially is a wonderful thought! Just saying......
: )
This photo was taken from the house where he proposed. It's actually a rainbow created from moonlight. When will we see that again??!
I remember one rainy day outside on the porch as we looked out over the Lake. It was warm and breezy and Oh-such-a-first-kiss kinda moment!
I remember standing on the roof of Tibbitt's auditorium during a rumbling storm ~ as we crouched under the eve together to stay dry. Another great kiss-me-now kinda moment.
I remember how we would hold hands and how you would look at me with the most amazing gaze of admiration. Bring it home baby! Plant one right on me!
I remember the way you would hold me, right under the arms. It felt so secure.
I remember the evening you proposed (my 25th birthday). The icy driveway of our host's house we almost didn't conquer. The different courses of the meal you had prepared by various friends (all in on the surprise!). The music. The 3 roses I still have in our bedroom. The woodstove fire. Yes! I will marry you! And..........*smoooooooooch* But, no...... we didn't. We snuggled by the fire. You explained why you chose the ring you did. The ice storm raging outside begged us to get down the steep driveway of our host's house. We left the fire and moment right there. I said, "Yes," to being a Mrs.
~~~~~~~
Cam had led every step of our engagement. I felt so honored, adored, loved, respected by him. He led me into the room with his hand on my back. He pulled out my chair, opened doors, saved me from a bear (great-long story to be told later!), etc..... : )
What was the Pain before the Pleasure? Really. I knew the pleasure of a kiss and more. I felt eager and excited to be married every day. To see the day we would kiss. I remember the what ifs, "what if something happens before we get married? What if we never will be together? Why wait if I love him?"
Song of Solomon writes of the love of a woman being like a garden. It's cultivated over time. It's made beautiful. It's fruits become ripe. But, the poem warns of not awakening or stirring up love until it pleases.
How vague a concept is that. Yet, I do know when that love was awakened too early!! After the pleasure of being in love ~~ there was pain. Hurt. Broken trust.
Or, the waiting just becomes a rule. It weighs over you like some sort of legalism. You don't understand yet why it is that you should wait.
And, what are you waiting to do? Waiting until your wedding day to even KISS the person you'll be living with for the rest of your life? Crazy? And, it seemed like it would be quite a squashing of my personal expression of my affection for someone special! There is only so many ways you can hold hands, hug, high five.
But, that last sentence is a lie really. I don't think we ever exhausted the list of ways to hold hands/arms during the nine months we were engaged. Every time we even touched the tips of our fingers, there was a crazy amount of soul bonding going on. I almost had to hold my breath and look over my shoulder, as if we were doing something along the lines of indecent exposure!
The wedding day itself and the following days and years have been the model of: pain before the pleasure. The pain of waiting (which as you can detect from this post) really wasn't painful at all! The simple kiss in front of all our family/friends (and God!) was amazing. The way he scooped me up off the beach during our reception and swept me away from the party on a candlelit boat to a secret location. *swoon!!* The honeymoon and the 4 1/2 years since? Well.... our 85-year-old friends the Carter's always say, "The honeymoon never has to end!"
The pain before pleasure during our married years has been that of sacrifice. When work runs us ragged. The first crazy sleepless months after a new baby has come. When there are misunderstandings, miscommunications, embarrassments, bad moods, things being taken for granted. The sacrifice to keep on loving this person ~ to see them grow. Actually, to grow myself and see how this man is helping me grow. That hurts sometimes. When I'm wrong and it's pointed out!
How amazing is that. So...... this post is titled "getting closer" b/c the cliched holiday of Valentine's day is coming up. But, I know we all have experienced love in a way that chocolate, teddy bears and roses certainly pale in comparison to. I wonder how you may celebrate LOVE this year?? Not that a teddy bear, flowers or balloons is ever a bad gift to give. Chocolate especially is a wonderful thought! Just saying......
: )
This photo was taken from the house where he proposed. It's actually a rainbow created from moonlight. When will we see that again??!
