In This Moment: Love Never Fails

I've been strong for so long. It hasn't been a show. I really have been able to hit all those fast balls coming at me out of the park. I've been ready for each pitch. Each Move. Each Change.

But, there are things creeping in that I can't explain and that I can not fix though I try and try and try and.........

Something about children.........They are the biggest blessing ever to enter my life. Yet, they have also brought so many challenges.

Something about marriage.......The constant blending of two lives, two routines, two highs and lows. Highs and lows that seem to be on a see-saw where when one is up, the other must be down. Blending two ways of loving, sacrificing, and above all, seeing how two can extend such tremendous GRACE. Love truly does cover a multitude of sins. And no where have I ever seen that more clearly than in marriage.

Last night, I found myself curling up behind Camlon closer and tighter and my fears finally surfaced. I don't want to let go... I say like a child, "he's mine."

I've held him with an open hand for these past few years, ready for any distance we might endure. I've been so strong. Independent. Almost too much so, bringing Cam to wonder if I even miss him!

Which, of course, I do, tremendously.

And, I feel that as I even let myself truly miss him when he is away, it is like a hairline fracture making its way up the side of a dam...........

And with children......they've brought such blessing and depth to our lives, but they also bring such soberness, chaos.... I hate having that, I-don't-know-what-the-heck-to-do-about-this-situation feeling on most days. Although, I do see fruit from my labors as a mother, I have those days that everyone knows what I'm talking about!!

During this last move, I came across an old photo of Cam and I with Finn from the winter of 2006. Finn was 6 months old. Our friend, Virginia, came over with her cool 35mm camera equipped with some black and white film and we got some great shots of all of us and of Finn sitting up on his own.

I stopped unpacking. The picture struck me because of the pure, easy going smile on Cam's face.

On that face was the joy of a new father.

That face was unfamiliar with failure.

The nightmares of losing that child had not been dreamed yet. Dreams that kept him up every night in the summer of 2006. Dreams so vivid he, to this day, has not recounted them to me.

That face had not seen failure in the inability to comfort another that faced that exact nightmare.

That face was still so optimistic about what was in store for our family. Our new family! What job would he have? How many children would he be blessed with? You can just see this joy in his smile. An eager expectation was there.

I put the photo on the fridge, just so I could remember. I always want to remember that smile.

This post does not include that photo on our fridge, but it does have some photos from memory lane.

Please, photos of the past, ignite that joy again. Of simpler times. Ease any present duress. Lift the scars. Mend broken hearts. Lead the way to a laugh. Restore a sense of confidence and a sense of worth.




How can we measure the worth of faithful friends that endure all seasons of life?





There's that smile again!














Eric and Paul




Pregnant with Finn, April 2005




Joy of Friends: truly we have found no other couple as kindred as you guys.












Our First Apartment, "The Pines"








Another Happy Wedding Day




Beautiful Place/ Beautiful Couple









This is my favorite picture on the post...

I know I wear my emotions on my sleeve more the older I get. It almost seems like the older we grow and the more we experience ~ the deeper the pangs of joy and pain sink in.


Exploring Yellowstone w/ a 9month old babe!





We shall end at Old Faithful.....

Our season lately has been full of many continual hurts that don't seem to heal...Friendships that are dearly missed....and a few other roadblocks that need to get pushed out of the way. I'm not posting these pictures from the past to say we must go back there. I'm saying, we've lost something in ourselves that we can still regain. And, that season is coming again. I know it will.